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Introduction to, and extracts from, my new books
A strange name for a book series you might say – “Jeremy Clarkson borrowed my Blog”.
Well I am convinced that he did.
Borrow my blog that is! Well read it. Or even come across it by accident and perhaps made use of it for inspiration. But without acknowledgement or the offer a few pence as reward.
I have contributed to various blog sites over the years, albeit as somewhat of a frustrated satirist, submitting news and current affairs articles, containing what the reader may at times conclude might be less than a grain of truth.
However, having had a go at mobile phone users in a Daily Telegraph blog, I spied that columnist Jeremy Clarkson, in his Sunday Times column three days following my own posting, had written an article with content bearing a rather uncanny similarity to that which I had written.
I challenged both Jeremy and his editor, via email, but still await, to this day, a reply offering either explanation or denial.
I have a sneaking suspicion I am in for a fairly long wait, it having nearly been three years now. I know they - or their assistants - did read my email, because I had ticked the delivery and read receipt box. Sadly I can’t reproduce the email here, as those nice glitches at Windows XP caused the necessary and somewhat untimely reformat of my hard drive, resulting in the total loss of my emails (and I might add, plenty of other data - that taught me never to leave my PC back-up until ‘tomorrow’ ever again!).
humnorous
The trilogy contain over 500 “non-news” stories - that is, all are totally made up, although some readers have suggested there may be a grain of truth in some of the stories - if you want to read about the (fake) antic of celebrities, z-list celebrities, politicians, governments, where Elvis really is working, banks and even the despotic and rather mad president of Iran, then these book are for you.
So please, just sit back and have a laugh, and, if anything offends, I apologise and respectfully suggest that you be my guest to put the book down (or in the recycle bin) and treat yourself to a Maeve Binchy, Clive Cussler or whoever your favourite author might be. Otherwise, sit back, hold onto your pants and enjoy.
Oh! And thanks for the inspiration Jeremy.
I am actually flattered that my meanderings gave you some food for thought.
Edward Moss
April 2011
BNP leader threatened with jail if he takes his Euro MP’s seat
The leader of the BNP and Euro MP, Nick Nasty, has been threatened with jail even before the new European Parliament sessions begin next week after yet another extremely expensive recess.
The speaker of the House of MEPs, Dutch MEP Dimme Whitte has told Mr Nasty, in no uncertain terms, that if he takes his seat, he could face a term in jail.
Mr Whitte was in the Euro Parliament House in Brussels to practice his opening speech when he saw Mr Nasty at the back of the parliament hall.
It appears Mr Nasty was attacking his seat with a Phillips screwdriver in an attempt to take the seat with him.
Mr Nasty said that he was just “borrowing” the seat, and actually had no intention of “taking” it.
He also said that it was pure coincidence that he also had a space booked at the Brussels International Car Boot Sale on Sunday, where some narrow-minded people could draw the conclusion that he might just put the seat on sale.
Mr Nasty continued to defend his position by saying that it would be unfair to expect a Euro MP to stand for the entire duration of the car boot sale.
He also denied rumours that he was going to park his car the wrong way around in an attempt to sell the engine.
Lily Allen to open to the public
It was announced today that popular singer Lily Allen is to open to the public.
Thanks to a lottery funding grant, the singer will be opening on alternative Sundays during the Autumn. Fans will be able to step in and look around to discover what makes the starlet tick.
She was said to be thrilled at this new development.
‘It’s an altogether different take on opening up to let people in’ she said.
A special team of security staff have been engaged to look after her on the days the public are admitted.
Tickets can be booked through all the popular internet ticket sites and include the immensely popular booking fee.
People are advised that this British institution could prove to be one of the more popular attractions.
Robert Mugabe enters anagram hall of fame
African statesman, potential Nobel Peace Prize winner, despot and murderer Robert Mugabe was today initiated into the International Anagram Hall of Fame.
At a glittering ceremony held in a tent, with makeshift gallows for MDC supporters on the site of the Killing Fields of Cambodia, Mr Mugabe received a fat cheque, although he didn’t realise it wasn’t Robert Maxwell until he got home.
The winning anagram of “Robert Mugabe” was, by a long shot, “Argue term Bob”, which gained 37% of the vote, or 89% in Zimbabwean terms. “Brute rage mob” was second with 32% of the vote, or 92% in Zimbabwean terms, while “Brute embargo” was a very close third, gaining 31% of the vote, or 107% in Zimbabwean terms.
It was a very hard-fought contest, seeing Mr Mugabe and his supporters fight off tough opposition, more so because their baseball bats and sticks had been confiscated by bigger thugs than his at the airport.
One of Mr MugBaby’s supporters, 17-year old Ronnie Crayfish, a war veteran from 20 years ago, said:
‘The Western free press, just because they are uncensored, cannot print slurs about our glorious leader Robert Mugabe. He has won this election fair and square.
‘The best anagram Morgan Tsvangirai can do is “Virgin to Anagrams” or “Stir ravaging moan”, although “A vagina storm ring” needs banning. Just like we have done with the MDC.
‘Now, I have some non-aligned voters to speak to and beat up. So goodbye.’
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